In December 1864, at the age of 24, with a second child not yet a month old, Nancy Inman Parker became a Civil War widow. Within three months of her husband’s death, both of her young children were dead as well. A little less than four years later, on Christmas Day, she married Joseph Franklin Byrd and went on to raise four more children with him, all of whom lived to adulthood.

When we read or write about genealogy that’s just about the way it comes across. Separated by a hundred years or more from these people we call ancestors, it’s too easy to brush right past the human condition of those moments in their lives as we tack them on a timeline to include them in our family history.

But, what if we were to pause and really think about them and their lives.

I know several young military wives who have lost husbands in the current conflicts around the world. I have a few friends who have lost young children to accident or disease. Because of my proximity to these women I have glimpsed the grief, depression, loneliness, survivors guilt and confusion that has plagued them at various times in the past few years.

I have watched in awe as they have displayed courage and strength of character to move forward in their lives, to regain hope, and to learn to be happy again. Some have done so with seemingly more ease than others. But, I don’t think that means that the depth of their feeling is any less than those who struggle for years.

I have never met a young woman who lost both husband and children, never mind in such a short period of time. I can only imagine what Nancy suffered. It is thought that all three of her family members died of smallpox – this horrible disease that takes ten to sixteen days to prove fatal. Nancy’s husband, Marion Parker, died in a Barracks Hospital in New Orleans on Christmas Eve, 1864. Three weeks later her baby boy, not yet two months old succumbed to the disease. Finally, eight weeks after that, her four-year old little girl died as well.

There are a lot of questions that surface for me as I look at this timeline of events in the life of one woman who lived so many years ago.

Did she contract smallpox as well? Did she nurse her husband and children through her own illness? Did she feel at fault to see her efforts fail? Or was she quarantined somewhere only to receive word as one by one her family members died without her there to hold them and comfort them in those final moments of life?

Did she have faith to help her through that trying time and the days and weeks and months ahead as she dealt with her grief? Was she particularly close to her mother or sisters? Did they lend strength and compassion? Or was she judged harshly for conditions out of her control as people sometimes were?

Did she become embittered or was she able to find joy again in her life?

We may never know the answers to those questions but, I hope, as we look at lives lived long ago, we at least pause and think about it. Think about how we might respond in a similar situation. Learn something from that response inside of us.

Nancy remarried. She had four more children, all of whom lived to adulthood. One of those children, Obediah Dare Byrd, would grow up and become father to seven children of his own. One of those children, Bud Byrd, would father eight children. And, one of Bud’s children would become the mother of Blake Shelton.

Imagine if Nancy had let her grief consume her, as some do. Imagine if she hadn’t had the courage to remarry and have more children. One change in choices in the life of one individual and Blake Shelton as we know him might not exist today.

These are the things I think about as I stare at these names on pedigree charts and family group sheets, on census records, and pension applications. If just one ancestor had made a different choice, who would you be? Maybe even more important, what choices are you making today that will affect future generations?

Tags: Blake Shelton, Choices, Civil War, Death